Forgiveness

I’ve heard countless times that it’s possible to forgive, but impossible to completely forget about any wrong done. I don’t really get that, though. If one is able to forgive, but still have in mind the thing that caused hurt, anger or betrayal, then is he or she really able to forgive completely? What happens when that person decides to put whatever caused the issue aside and ‘forgive’ another person? Does he or she just choose to ‘get over’ the wrong done to them and make the decision to not have any bad feelings towards the person who did them wrong? Or, do we ‘forgive,’ or tell ourselves that we do, but still have negative feelings about what was done to us, making it impossible to make peace with it and mentally move on from it?

The only way that forgiveness can happen is if we decide that we want it. Certain factors can influence whether or not something is forgivable, and whether or not a person deserves forgiveness, but it is ultimately up to an individual to make the choice to forgive someone. Forgiveness can’t be forced; a person may want someone to forgive them, and may do certain things to try to get forgiveness, but his or her efforts really don’t have an impact on someone’s decision to forgive. Similarly, some of us may really want to get over wrongs done to us, and forgive them, but we may not be able to due to the hurt and emotional stress that it caused us.

Forgiving certain things (especially the things that bring about a great amount of hurt or anger) can be very hard sometimes. Whenever we are hurt, lied to, or taken advantage of, a permanent mark is left on us; one that stays with us (most often subconsciously) and influences the way we deal with and respond to similar instances in the future.

Maybe some (or at least one) of you read my last post about negative emotions. Not being able to forgive someone often brings about a myriad of negative feelings and emotions. If we are wronged in some way, and can’t get over what was done to us, many of us carry feelings such as resentment, bitterness, anger, and hurt, to name a few. So, if we can’t forgive something, then that means that we do even more hurt to ourselves than what was originally done to us.

I’ve learned that forgiveness is something that is misunderstood by many of us. Many people are very hesitant to forgive because they believe that it makes them weak. Being able to forgive someone means that we’re quite the opposite, though. Forgiveness takes strength, mental maturity and knowing that life is really too short to harbor negative feelings about something that we should let go of and get over (for our own benefit, of course).

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that we’re okay with the fact that wrong was done to us. The act of forgiving means that we choose to get over whatever happened, and to let go of the negative emotions associated with it. It means that we’re able to move forward, and that we choose to not give the person who wronged us the power to negatively influence our emotions.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi